Tag Archives: sad day

The sky is crying

Yesterday we had shrimp broth and fish for lunch, and we hurried to see my oncologist. My tummy was bloating, but I wasn’t going to cancel the appointment. We made it there as the first drops of rain started to fall. 

The waiting room was full of people. A guy, young, overweight and tired, was connected to a huge and heavy oxygen cylinder. He wore sneakers, but it was obvious he couldn’t run. This disease is an asshole, it takes a healthy person that’s very busy minding his own business, calls his attention, and then between disease and treatment, they render him frail, tired, useless, unable to eat, move and be independent. 

The oncology area is a last minute add-on to the hospital. They built a small area hanging from the multi-story parking lot and on each level they made a few rooms. The receptionist called my name and escorted us to the elevator and the room my oncologist got yesterday. We didn’t speak a lot before he asked me to go to the examination table. T-shirt gone, he looked at the lump in my neck, touched it, observed it and looked at the area in general. Then he wanted to check the groin lymph nodes and the testicle I had reported. He immediately said it was definitely asymmetric. He and his assistant exchanged opinions in the lowest voice. He wanted to take a sample of the lump in the neck, she wanted images. He offered local images, she preferred full images. He conceded full images and also an ultrasound for the super testicle. They prescribed the images and said I would get the paperwork to place the request for the insurance company. They will look at the tomography to see the shape of the lump and it’s extent, and they will use the rest of the image to check for issues elsewhere in my body. The ultrasound will also be the first tool to see what’s wrong with the super testicle. Using the images I will probably have surgery to remove the lump and send it to the lab. 

While this can be something harmless, given my history, it has a chance to be bad. I will defy it and I will laugh at it while I can. I see a few options here. If it’s a new cancer, it will have to be treated and I will go into surveillance once again. If it’s the same colon cancer, I think it’s likely to have spread and become a life sentence. I will look for quality of life first and quantity second. If it’s some harmless thing, it will be removed and there will be an important celebration. 

The truth is that I have been feeling better and better, and while I spent last year visiting the ER, I have been improving and it’s now been months without going there. That speaks about a better health, but then why the lump? Stupid disease. 

As we were paying, the rain became much stronger. I told my wife I would walk to the car and drive to her. She would wait under a roof. I walked under the covered paths, but those work well if the rain is light. This was getting stronger and the wind was picking up. Ten meters to go and I was going to be in a building, to cross to my car, and that’s when the wind went really wild. I ran hard and the wind blew lots of water horizontally on me. I was so wet! I screamed as I made it into the building, because if you don’t scream it’s not as exciting. People said nothing. I walked into the Starbucks, stole a napkin to clean my glasses, and another one to clean my glasses in the car, and headed out. My car was right there, across the narrow street, but the wind was very strong. A man and a woman came out. The man ran to his car and the woman decided it was too strong and went back in. I waited for the storm to loosen a little, but it didn’t happen and ran to the car. I was soaking wet. I drove to my wife. She was completely dry and knew nothing! It took an hour to get back to our house, which in other conditions can be reached within ten minutes. Some places were flooded, lots of people had fallen victim to “hydrostupidity”, which is what happens here when it rains, and then the accidents. 

My wife suggested a hot shower, but by then my tummy was so bloated that I really needed to work on it. I played Sonny Boy Williamson’s “The Sky is Crying” and wrote an email to let my people at work know. 

I wasn’t too happy. The news weren’t good. Not happy news at all, and then I was cold and my tummy was bothering me a lot, and my tummy was the one that made the situation bad and brought the sadness. I know I can be stronger, but I shouldn’t have had tummy problems. I was sad. 

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